The Christmas holidays are often filled with summer humidity, family gatherings, end-of-year exhaustion, a thousand social events and the almost inevitable financial pressure of trying to do it all. While it’s meant to be a time of relaxation, loveliness and connection, many couples feel overwhelmed, detached, and like passing ships.
If you and your partner find December harder than other months, you're not alone. At Motivating Marriages, we see this every year, good couples struggling under the stress of the season.
Here’s some simple, evidence-informed tips to help you stay grounded and connected to each other during the craziness of Christmas.
Prep Ahead
Many couples assume that plans will just be the same as other years … until little and big conflicts happen around details concerning family visits, gift expectations, travel plans, or holiday budgets.
Have a pre-Christmas chat. Set aside 20–30 minutes and ask each other:
What matters most to you this Christmas?
What do you want to avoid this year? (Crowded shopping centers, long drives, multiple gatherings in one day? That Aunty?)
What extra support do you need from me?
At Motivating Marriages, we often remind couples that setting clear expectations reduces resentment and frustration. You don’t have to agree on everything, but by understanding each other’s priorities you can avoid conflict more easily.
Basic Boundaries
An Aussie Christmas can mean juggling multiple family events across suburbs - often in high heat, high humidity and high stress.
Healthy boundaries might include:
Limiting how many people or houses you visit in one day
Negotiating in advance how long you’ll stay at each gathering
Protecting and prioritising downtime for just the two of you
Saying no this year to any traditions/people/events/tasks that leave you drained
Boundaries can be discreet to everyone around you, but create a sense of safety, ease and relief when done correctly.
Stay Close
The summer holidays can become so busy that couples barely see each other for quality down time.
Keep it simple:
A short evening walk, the kids can look at twinkling lights and you two can sneak in a little daily debrief
A coffee together on the balcony before the day gets chaotic
A 10-minute check-in before bed
A moment of touch – holding hands, hand on their back as you walk past, a hug, a quick kiss
At Motivating Marriages, we emphasise that small, consistent micro moments matter far more than grand gestures or fancy one off dinners.
Team Work
Even with good preparation, the holidays can stir up emotions, re-ignite family tensions, old wounds, fatigue, or sensory overload.
Keep it simple:
Choose a signal to communicate if you’re getting overwhelmed, remember they’re not mind readers - a particular phrase, a tap on the arm.
Give yourself permission to step away briefly, pretend to take a phone call, grab a drink of water, take in some fresh outside air, sit in the shade, go play with the kids.
Make an effort to reconnect when you are calm and more regulated.
Provide loving reassurance: “We’re a team”. “I’ve got you”. “We can handle this.”
We can’t be our best 24/7. Focus on your own regulation and well-being as a priority.
Lastly, set the goals to be meaningful not mundane
Remember that the goal isn’t to create a picture-perfect Christmas that ticks all the social expectation boxes and looks great from the outside. The goal is to have quality time with quality people who make you feel light and loved.
By focusing on togetherness, teamwork, honesty, boundaries and small daily moments of care, you can create beautiful moments to treasure that feel authentic, meaningful and rewarding.
If You Need Immediate Support Over Christmas:
If you or your partner ever feels unsafe, overwhelmed, or unable to cope over the holiday break, please reach out to crisis supports:
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
1800RESPECT (Domestic & Family Violence / Sexual Assault): 1800 737 732
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (for teens/young adults): 1800 55 1800
By: Carlie Kowald
