January usually comes paired with idealistic promises to ourselves: hopeful gym memberships, colour-coded shared planners, resolutions for lifestyle change and the beautifully optimistic idea that this year, yes THIS year, will be the year you finally become the couple who communicates flawlessly, gets on the ‘same page’ as each other and who rarely argue about who didn’t do their half of the chores this week.
But like we mentioned in last month’s blog, picture perfect perfection isn’t the goal in any relationship – genuine connection is. And as the Gottman therapy approach consistently shows, strong relationships aren’t built on the absence of conflict, but on the presence of friendship, repair, and choosing each other daily.
Whether you’re entering the year feeling connected or detached, exhausted or hopeful, here’s some tips from us at Motivating Marriages to help you start the new year on the same team.
Rituals Replace Resolutions
Most New Year’s resolutions stop somewhere between “We’re going to start running together, it’ll be great” and “It’s too hot, I’m tired, let’s stop, my legs hurt.”
Instead, try to focus on creating relationship rituals, which are small predictable moments in your day or week that strengthen connection without requiring a huge amount of time or effort (like running!).
We suggest rituals such as:
A weekly ‘State of the Union’ check-in (Gottman style: 20 minutes, feelings allowed, blame prohibited, I statements)
A morning hug that lasts at least six seconds, soften into it
A Friday night ‘phew we survived another week’ date, even if it’s just eating takeaway on the lounge in your PJs, anything but separately doomscrolling.
Rituals are more achievable and easier to maintain than resolutions often are.
Buy Into Their Bids
According to Gottman therapy, couples build intimacy through thousands of tiny ‘bids for connection’. Some are sweet (“Come look at this sunset with me” or the now infamous “I saw a bird today” – a viral meme which is actually a super cute ‘bid for connection’), and some are… less obvious (“Hey, did you read that headline today?)
Starting strong in 2026 means turning toward these bids more often than you turn away. Trying to be more conscious of your partners bids to you than you were last year.
Your partner may be needing a bid for:
attention
affection
help
reassurance
Saying No, We’re Not Falling For That Again This Year
Some fights can be prevented by acknowledging, and accepting, what simply hasn’t worked well for you as a couple in the past.
For example:
“We don’t start heavy discussions after 10pm.”
“We don’t host every family event just because we have a big backyard”
“Building flat pack furniture is best done when we’re not under time pressure”
Clear boundaries = fewer disasters. Learn from the past what is best to avoid.
A Thousand Thankyou’s
Many couples underestimate how important and meaningful a small thank-you is.
Try starting 2026 with the intentional habit of noticing the tiny things:
“Thanks for making the coffee, it was just what I needed.”
“I really love how you handled that conversation with ___ today.”
“I noticed you put those boxes away, thank you”
Gottman’s research is very clear, relationships thrive when appreciation outweighs criticism.
Lastly, Don’t Wait Till It’s Too Late
Many couples wait until things are already tense, distant, or even explosive before reaching out for some help and assistance.
Therapy isn’t always a sign that something is wrong. It can be a sign you’re investing in what truly matters the most.
If you’d like some short- or long-term relationship support, the psychologists at Motivating Marriages are here to help you improve your communication, rebuild closeness, and set the tone for a rewarding 2026 ahead.
By Carlie Kowald
